Happy 34th Birthday Brooke...

I am so very blessed to have a child that is not only my daughter, but a wonderful friend, an amazing wife and mother, and someone I admire more than anyone in the world.

Brooke wrote these words several months ago and I was given a gift when I read her words.  I would like to share them with you so that you can understand the incredible gift I have been given in being able to call Brooke my daughter.

These are her words.  Happy Birthday Boogie!

I love you with all my heart,
Mom

You Were There

by Brooke Meabon

Wee hours of the morning.  The sun has yet to make it’s appearance.  Here I stand, pacing with a crying baby on my hip, exhaustion overwhelming me.  But suddenly I get a glimpse of thirty years ago and know you were there, doing the same with me.  My memory can’t recall the exact scene but I can feel it with every inch of my own motherhood.  I see you Mom, see you in your twenties as you had the same sleepless nights with me in your arms. 

My hearts swells as my sweet littles bobble and bound towards me.  I am filled with pride as they conquer those first steps. “You can do it!” I exclaim.  Once again, the feeling that you were here, coaxing and cheering me on with my first steps.  I see you Mom, a younger version of yourself, bent down calling me towards you.

Sunlight trickles in through a bedroom window and your face appears above me, smiling, delighted to see me.  Earliest memories are you, Mom.  I see you and I know I am safe.

Hurt feelings and tears as I sit on my bed, left out by the other girls. “Why would they leave me out Mommy?”  And the comfort of your arms wrapped around my shoulders.  I feel you Mom, and I know you are there beside me.  

Sick day and feeling crummy.  Fever and chills hitting my body. The only person who could make the cold compress just right, who would hold back my hair while my little body heaved over the toilet, who would clean up after the mess the flu would leave.  I see you Mom, I feel the comfort of your arms.

Dance recitals, 5th grade speeches, cheerleading tryouts. My eyes scan the audience.  Nervousness of performing in public has my heart beating hard, until my eyes find your face in the crowd, beaming, proud, clapping and cheering louder than anyone else...always.  I hear you Mom.  I see you cheering. 

It’s Saturday morning and I’m twelve years old. I hear heavy voices, I hear sobbing, I hear heartache.  My dad is leaving, you are stunned.  But what do I see? Concern for me, my feelings, my brothers feelings. I feel your pain Mom.

Worry lines, strained phone calls to the bank behind closed doors, scribbled notes of numbers. All smiles to us, ensuring we never feel the strains of the pennies in the bank account, scrounging by to ensure the bills are paid, sacrificing any luxury for yourself so that we won’t go without.  I see your struggles, Mom, and I see your sacrifices.  

Joy, giddiness, excitement, finding love again. I watch as the relationship between you and Steve develops and blossoms into a love I had never seen in you before.  The care you take as you introduce us to each other, the tiptoeing to ensure that this relationship isn’t just best for you but best for us.  The pure elation on your face on the day of your wedding when I stood beside you.  I see your joy, Mom, and I feel your happiness.  

Late nights as you lay awake waiting for me to come home - a teenager pushing the limits. The tension in your face as you hand over the keys to the car. The anxiety as I walk out the door hopping in the car with a brood of rowdy friends.  I see you Mom, and I know too soon, I will also know this anxiety. 

Tears again as I realize I’m saying goodbye to all I’ve ever known and taking steps into adulthood. Your excitement for me but your heartache as we set up my dorm room.  You and Steve climb in the car to head home, seven hours away.  I watch you as you drive away Mom, and you tried to be tough but I noticed the sobbing shoulders heaving.

I did it!  They want me!  I’m hired and it’s my first, real job. My first phone call is to you.  And I hear my happiness echoed on the other end of the phone, as it always is.  I hear you Mom, and I know you are proud.

Months of planning, no detail too small, ensuring the day is perfect. I put on my wedding gown and prepare to walk down the aisle. You are there beside me and I reach for your hand.  I feel you there Mom.  

Heartache once again.  You go from wife to caretaker as the love of your life slowly fades from healthy and capable to sick and needy.  Sleepless nights, exhaustion of nursing your sick husband as the brain cancer steals him away.  Watching him slip from our lives and watching you transition into this new title of widow. I feel your pain Mom and my heart breaks right alongside yours as we lose our precious Steve.

And once again joy, a love we share equally but one for the babies my own body will carry. You blossom in this role of grandmother or “Honey”. Special secrets, a safe place for these precious treasures of mine, a comfort as they begin their own memories with you from the beginning.  I see you Mom, and I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side.  

Brooke's 4th Birthday

Birthday Years of Brooke

Wonderful Years with Brooke

Such a Precious Mommy

and yes, I will always by your side...

You Gotta Take the Bitter with the Sweet...

Remember that Carole King song? 

"A friend of mine once told me

And I know he knows all about feelin' down
He said, "Everything good in life you've got to pay for
But feelin' good is what you're paving the way for"

So, don't let it get you down, my friend
Though it seems the blues will never end
On this you can depend, they always do
And I can tell you that it's true

It's a feeling that can't be beat and you got to do it
You got to take the bitter with the sweet"

Well, I have just spent seven days traveling to one of the most beautiful places in the world!  Seven friends just left Costa Rica.  A good friend of mine, Susan has a home there and invited us to be her guest for seven enchanted days.

  

The bitter. Day One, May 13.  Our flight was scheduled to depart SAT at 7:50 a.m.  If you think back, that was the day of the very large thunderstorms that hit most of Texas.  Hail, thunder, lightening and floods...oh my!  The morning began with a 3:30 a.m. call from Lou.  Our flight had been delayed to Houston, two of the seven travelers had no power, the cell phones began ringing. 

To make a long story and an even longer day short, the bitter came as each hour of the day past and each flight to Houston was canceled. Finally our Costa Rica flight was canceled, big bummer.  We were all rescheduled to fly out on the Wednesday early morning flight, sigh.  Small problem, two of the seven were already in Costa Rica, but Susan our CEO was not among the two.

Day One Happy Hour in San Antonio

While the rest of us went home, Claudia and Robbie were wined and pampered by Susan's amazing sister-in-law and niece in San Jose.  We were all concerned about how they would do by themselves, silly us.  We met up with them at the sister's home, where they had spent their time in a home straight out of Architectural Digest.  We shared an incredible lunch in this gorgeous home and the bitterness quickly dissolved into the sweet tropical paradise of the country.

We then drove several hours, stopping to buy delicious fresh fruit, see humongous crocodiles, and drive through the mountains of Costa Rica to the beach.   We had all forgotten about the travails of the previous day and life was "Pura Vida"!

We were met at Susan's slice of Heaven by Donal. He took care of our every need from that point forward...oh Donal, if only I could have packed you away in my suitcase...

Susan's  home is indescribable.  From the view, to the pool, the veranda, to the beautifully appointed home...we were all aghast.  It was breathtaking, we needed to go no further.  Cocktails were served poolside, while we listened to music that floated around us as we sank into outdoor sofas and lounge chairs and watched the sunset into the ocean.

Susan planned the perfect amount of leisure time and activities.  Our meals, delicioso, I know I gained more pounds than I wish to think about..."Pura Vida!"  We traveled to Manuel Antonio one day, where we hiked through a rain forest to the beach.  The water crystal clear and as warm as bath water.  We watched monkeys steal food from picnickers, saw exotic animals and came home tired and happy.  

We zipped lined hundreds of feet above the ground, through the canopy off the rainforest (one of the bravest zipped upside down, when allowed, want to guess who that courageously crazy soul was!?!)

We took a crocodile tour through the estuaries of the area.  Incredible wildlife, entertaining guides  fed these giant ugly creatures chicken with their fingertips, rode on one of the crock's back and allowed us the opportunity to rub our hands along his rugged skin.  A great adventure!

The sweetest moments for me were our times together.  I was fortunate enough to share this time not only with my San Antonio friends, but also with my precious Midland friend, Debbie.  Recall in an earlier blog entry that I had introduced Susan's daughter to Debbie's son. Now co-madres, Debbie was part of the Magnificent Seven.  

There is almost nothing finer than the friendships of women, and I am so grateful that I am surrounded by amazing friends.  Our conversations, poignant, hysterical, and binding.  That bind that can only occur when you take a respite from life and soak in the stillness of the moment.

 Other than Debbie jumping in the pool with her iPhone wedged securely in her swimsuit, Susan's slight car encounter with a stone wall and all of us waking up on our next to last day to a rather substantial house flood, the sweetness far outweighed the bitter.

Flood?  Yep, Cindy woke up at 4:00 a.m. To the sound of rushing water.  Opening her bedroom door, her feet were suddenly drenched in about 6 inches of water.  She walked a few more steps to see water cascading over a bridge type balcony of this beautiful home.  The water was soaking the brand new furniture, rugs and wooden tables as fast as it could.

It seemed a little plumbing problem had occurred during the night.  A required flush, then back to bed had caused the tsunami that brought each of us from the land of nod to up and like lighting, moving all of the furniture outside and then sweeping up the deluge of water with brooms, mops and towels.

By 5:30 a.m. all the damage had been cleared.  Nothing like seven Women of Power and one Donal to solve any dilemma one might encounter.   This was one of those incidences that after all is said and done, ends up being one more tie that binds us all even closer.  By 6:00 a.m. We were poolside, watching the sunrise and ready for another day in paradise.

I'm flying home as I write this, and I realize like most things in life, "You Gotta Take the Bitter with the Sweet" for if there weren't the bitter you would never be able to really savor the sweet.

Steve and I took this trip about 10 years ago with Susan and Hugo and two other couple friends.  There were so many times these past few days when I thought of that trip.  I remembered how romantic this paradise was, how we laughed and spoke often of the fun we had all had, that was  so many years ago...a lifetime ago.

On a grander scale, I realized that even after Steve had been diagnosed with brain cancer, even after we knew how limited his life would be, Steve, our family and I were able to savor that overwhelming bitterness with some of the sweetest moments of our marriage.  I think it took that bitterness, that we knew would eventually take Steve away from us, that allowed us to say everything we ever wanted to say to him.  To laugh and love watching and seeing Steve laugh and enjoy life, up until the very end.  "Pura Vida"!

While that bitter sadness continues to wash over me at times, I always find myself going back to memories of those delicious moments that made life with Steve so sweet.  That bitter sweetness made a tie that will bind us together forever.

I'll take the bitter, as I will never forget the sweet.

 

For what it's worth,
Janet

Colossians 3:14 "Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."

Happy Mother's Day to my precious daughter...

Most of you reading this blog know the story of Brooke and Jared's first pregnancy.  For those of you who might not know our history, Harper was born with a giant omphacele.   Brooke found out about Harper at 12 weeks into her pregnancy.

The months that followed were filled with dire predictions concerning Harper's existence, much less the medical problems she would face if she arrived.  We were all on pins and needles throughout Brooke's pregnancy, as well as the first three months of Harper's life, as she was in the NICU for those long scary days.

Harper has proven to be a miracle in so many ways.  She is now almost four and is a healthy, precious, amazing little girl.  She is a gift from God.

I continue to be overwhelmed at the nurturing, love and incredible guidance that Brooke has shown not only to Harper, but 18 months later to Harris, now over two years old and a bundle of adorable energy. 

I made this little video for Brooke almost four years ago.  It was Brooke's first Mother's Day, Harper was very young and we were all so very thankful to have her with us.

I share it with you now, in tribute to all mothers.

Happy Mother's Day to each of you.

With Love,

Janet

Living with The Amazing Hairy Houdini...

I wrote in September of my newly adopted Wheaton terrier, Lucy Belle Boswell.  I can’t believe it has only taken 9 long months for Lucy and me to have become one in soul and spirit. 

I have grown to love this wonderful animal with all my heart and I can say is without a doubt,  the feeling is mutual.  Lucy loves me dearly.

A short review of Lucy’s history.  I adopted her through S’Wheat Rescues. You would have thought I was donating a kidney on top of adopting a special needs, very old child from a 3rd world country.  I filled out form after form, I went through numerous phone interviews, a home visit and had to give personal references to ensure I wasn’t some kind of dog molester.

I finally passed the test and was allowed to drive to Dallas, pay for this 9 year old animal, only to find myself with a mangy, high anxiety dog that was not potty trained, and had a list of maladies.  It was love at first sight and Lucy and I are now joined at the hip.

No longer is her coat mangy but now full and shiny.  Anxiety issues and even our potty issues have become non existent.  This is on great, adorable hunk of fur.  Tthe greatest dog ever!  

Except...

I will take full responsibility for the girl’s current unfortunate behavior.  All winter long Lucy loved riding in the car with me.  No matter where I went, or how long I would leave her in the car, Lucy was happy just to be “with” me.  Now winter’s in San Antonio are mild, but even on cold days Lucy was comfy lounging on my once very lovely leather car seats.  Windows cracked, she dozed away while I was grocery shopping, running a day’s worth of errands or even going out to dinner.  

On the days I simply couldn’t take Lucy, she had the run of the new house, using the doggy door to come and go at her leisure.  We were great, all was well, we had found our rhythm, with everyone.

The weather is now getting hot, too hot for Lucy to sit in a car.  About 2 weeks ago, I left to run a few quick errands and came home to find her standing in the front yard.  She was mad I had left her, I know as I can read her like a book.  How did she get out of the yard?  I checked my two wrought iron gates, I had special grills made to keep her from squirming through.  I made the grills about 4 feet tall and there seems absolutely no way even a Chihuahua could slip through, not to mention a 35 pound furry knee-high dog.

I checked all along the perimeter of the fence, maybe she had dug a hole and gone under...no.  I decided it was a fluke and blew it off.  The next Saturday morning I ran to Lowe’s for some plants.  I drove up to find Lucy leashed to a tree in the front yard.  My neighbor quickly came to tell me she had escaped and he couldn’t entice her back into the backyard so, fearing for her safety, had secured her to a tree.  Now both of us began investigating the yard but again, there was no escape route.  

I was mystified, was this dog “faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!”  No, that would be Superman.  No, this precious old furry female was more like the Amazing Hairy Houdini.

The next day I was to leave for the Boswell Family Reunion.  I arranged for my housekeeper  Gloria to come check on Lucy, walk and feed her.  I had just turned onto I-35 when I got a call from a neighbor saying Lucy had come to visit her while she worked in her front yard.  Kindly, she took Lucy home, put her in the backyard and about two minutes later Lucy was back by her side.  Loucini had escaped and now she had her routine down pat.

I was in a pickle, I needed to be at this reunion, it was the family’s first without Steve.  I couldn’t turn around and come home.  I called Brooke and Jared.  They shut Lucy in my guest bathroom and she waited for Gloria to come free her.  Wonderful Gloria loves Lucy as much as I do, so she stayed the night and waited for me to get home.

This is the first time since my Israel trip that I have had back-to-back trips planned. Now I was not only looking at having to board Lucy, but somehow I had to secure my gates for even the brief times I was gone.

Having little to no time between trips and unable to board Lucy on such short notice I took a family member’s suggestion, (thanks Justin, it worked) and here are my new gates.

I’m sure the neighbors are thrilled.  While temporary, it does seem to have stopped Loucini from escaping, however I can’t very well leave this unsightly barrier for my neighbors to deal with, least they think Jeff Foxworthy and crew had moved in.

Side Gate…Loucini escape proof

Tonight I took down the tarps, bricks and boards.  I sat for a good 20 minutes hiding behind a bush on the side yard spying on my crying, pitiful hound yelping, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free...” 

I swear she eyed me crouched there behind that bush, and she out waited me.  I sat there thinking, what is she looking for?  Why is it her goal to escape?  Doesn’t she have everything she could ever want or need right at her paw-tips?  Doesn’t she realize how much I love her, that I will always come back to her?

Then it dawned on me, as I crouched, with gravel embedding itself into my knees and palms of my hands...I’m very much like Lucy.  In my own way, I too am trying to scratch, paw and dig my way out of loneliness, out of this empty void I’m feeling, out of grief.  Lately I’m finding, while I have created a home full of all the comforts I could ever want, the one thing I want most is beyond my grasp.

Unlike Lucy, I know that escaping my backyard won’t bring Steve back. In the same way I sit and watch my sweet old dog trying to escape, knowing she is in the best place she could ever find herself.  I wonder if God sits, gravel kneed waiting for me to finally get it?  He knows that I am exactly where I am meant to be.  Why can't I figure this out?

I wonder if God is shaking his head, trying to tell me he’s provided for all my needs, “Be patient Janet, I won’t ever leave you.  Learn to be content and enjoy this place where I have enabled you to have all you need to be satisfied and at peace.”

Oh I was right at the beginning of this saga, Lucy and I are one soul, one spirit, when will we ever learn?

For what it’s worth,

Janet

Hebrews 13:5 “...be content with what you have, because God has said, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”